Ex-Flame’s Smiling Face (an adultery poem)

Two Brunettes at Orlando's Aero

Sometimes, I wonder if my ex will ever show up during my nightspot photography gigs. She did before.
Showed up with a female friend the day I broke up with her.

Previously, I ended our relationship through text message.
After that?
She kept sending me text messages over and over again.
Even left a voice-mail on my phone.

“Please, say this isn’t true. Please.”

I never answered back.

Her later showing up at my gig freaked the hell out of me.
Text messaged her.
Asked her was she stalking me.
Also, asked her to leave.

Broke up with her because I thought she was bullshitting me.
Thought her saying she loved me was a big fuckin’ lie.

I live alone.
Reason why I thought she was using me.
Thought she wanted to move in with me.
Doing this in order to leave a husband who is always absent from the house.
Dude’s job has him gone for months.
Plus ex said her husband and her hadn’t been intimate in years.

Ex once told me she needed her own place to live.
Needed this during divorce proceedings.
Not once she mentioned moving in with me.
Even told me she wasn’t going to do that.
Also, told me she didn’t want me taking caring of her.
Said she could take of herself.

Yet, paranoia grabbed me anyway.

Realize I walked this scenario before.
Years ago, paranoia ruined another relationship.
Thought that woman was bullshitting me too.
I later wrote too many nasty poems about her.
Even wrote an evil play about her.

Would be so happy if recent ex showed up at my photography gigs.
Her lovely smile always shined through dark stormy clouds.
Still do when I think about her.

After how I treated her?
Really shouldn’t expect to see her at my photography gigs.

Reason why I was with a married woman?
Always felt comfortable talking to her.
She never talked down to me.
Always complimented me.
I spent too many years dealing with folks pulling that talking-down-to-me-shit.
Some still pull it.
Reason why I avoid them.

Been months since I saw my recent ex.
Always wondering how she’s doing.
I avoid asking her friends.
Don’t want that getting back to her.

I avoid stalking her Facebook page.
I avoid the bars we used to go to.
Trying everything to erase that smiling face from my mind.
The one that always shined through dark stormy clouds.

Still do when I think about her.

Photo and poem from the book Three Orlando Nightspots.

About Patrick Scott Barnes

Most of Central Florida knows Stone Crazy (Patrick Scott Barnes) as a poet. Yet, he also photographs, DJ and blogs. The rest of the time, the now sober blogger guzzles Diet Coke in Central Florida nightspots.
This entry was posted in Photos, poetry and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Ex-Flame’s Smiling Face (an adultery poem)

  1. Bill Chance says:

    Interesting – maybe one problem is all the text messaging.

    Thanks for sharing.


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