Ricky: The Rat Who Became Florida’s Governor


One day, Ricky the Rat decided to run for Florida Governor.

Many of his rat friends were taken aback.

“But you’re a rat,” one said.

Ricky ignored them. Soon, he gathered other rats who did believe in him.

Next, in a rented auditorium, Ricky held a press conference. There he announced his plans to run for Governor.

“But you’re a rat,” a reporter exclaimed.

“I refuse to answer that rude statement,” Ricky said.

As the race for Florida Governor ran on, evidence proving Ricky’s rodent descent continued rising to the surface. Evidence also proved Ricky to be a dirty rodent. In the past, Ricky was involved in a scandal in which cheese was stolen from sick rats.

Yet, many Florida voters chose Ricky over the other candidates running for Governor.

“But he’s a rat,” other voters said.

Still, many voters ignored the obvious. Why did many voters choose Ricky over the other candidates? Ricky had a flair for saying the right thing. During these times, Florida owned a job shortage. Compared to other states in the nation, Florida held one of the highest percentages of unemployed people. So what did Ricky promise voters? Jobs.

“But he’s a rat,” other voters said.

Still, Ricky’s supporters refused to see the obvious.

By a small margin, Ricky won.

“But he’s a rat,” other voters kept saying.

To perform at a victory celebration, Ricky hired singer Stephen Pearcy. Even though this was a huge red flag, Ricky’s supporters still avoided it.

Yet, some people did see the obvious.

“Stephen Pearcy?” one reporter said. “Why that’s the lead singer from the heavy metal group Ratt.”

Months passed. As they passed, more and more people became convinced Ricky was indeed a rat.

People also realized he was an asshole. How much of an asshole? Where do we start? The list of assholism includes voter suppression and drug testing welfare recipients. As Ricky demonized welfare recipients as drug abusers, only two percent of tested welfare recipients proved positive for drugs.

Yet, the discovery of Ricky’s asshole rodent nature arrived too late. The dirty rat was already Governor and people couldn’t do a damned thing about it.

Update: After serving one term, Ricky the Rat became Florida’s Governor again.

photo credit: rat via photopin (license)



About Patrick Scott Barnes

Most of Central Florida knows Stone Crazy (Patrick Scott Barnes) as a poet. Yet, he also photographs, DJ and blogs. The rest of the time, the now sober blogger guzzles Diet Coke in Central Florida nightspots.
This entry was posted in fiction, politics and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.