Liberal Outrage Closes Pet the White People Zoo

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A decent American can’t make an honest dollar anymore. Too many damned liberals dictate how everyone should live, speak and do business.

Five years ago, I created Pet the White People Zoo. The purpose of the zoo? Conservation and educating the public about white people.

Yet, those damned Caucasian Rights Activists stuck their noses in it. They didn’t approve of white people confined in cages. Have these folks witnessed some white people in their natural habitat? Give the males a gun and they will shoot up the whole damned place. This was why the zoo kept some white people in cages, they are dangerous. These types were called Killer Caucasians.

The tamed white people were kept behind wooden fences. After people fed them finger foods, they patted the white people on top of the head.

Also, the Caucasian Rights Activists complained about the shows. During a show, a female trainer would ride the back of Adam, our main attraction. Adam would also do back flips, amazing all the spectators.

Adam was a Killer Caucasian. The idea was showing intelligent humankind and the Killer Caucasian playing together.

Bonita Jones was Adam’s trainer. Before the zoo opened, the beautiful brown-skinned Bonita earned a trainer’s certificate. The certificate named Bonita a white people specialist.

Okay, the certificate came from a bogus school created by me. Still, Bonita knew her job. All the white people at the zoo loved her. When Bonita entered the Killer Caucasian cage, the Caucasians would always lick her hand.

One day, during a show, Adam threw Bonita off his back and attacked her. With his fists, he beat the poor woman to a bloody pulp. After all the finger foods she fed him, that was how that ungrateful bastard treated Bonita.

The male trainers pulled Adam off Bonita. I personally planted my size ten and a half foot up Adam’s ass.

Without my knowledge, a spectator photographed my kicking Adam’s ass. Next thing I knew, the photo went viral on the Internet.

Caucasian Rights Activists protested in front of the zoo. I witnessed signs saying “Save Our White People” and “Free Whitey”.

Of all the damned nerve! Like I said before, Pet the White People Zoo was education and conservation. But oh no, that wasn’t good enough.

What drove the final snail in the coffin? That liberal trash of a film called “Black Eye”, named after Adam’s brutal beatings. The movie showed video footage of caged Killer Caucasians attacking one another.

Then, there was an interview with Susan Jackson, a Caucasianologists. A light-skinned black woman, Susan wore glasses and sat behind a desk.  During the interview, she pointed out the suicide rate among caged white people is five to fifteen times higher than free white people.

True enough, the zoo had problems with white people committing suicide. That’s why some were given medication for depression.

Also, the movie not only showed video footage Adam beating Bonita, it also showed footage of Adam beating two other trainers. Yes, we had problems with Adam before. Before Bonita, in two separate incidents, Adam beat the shit out a male trainer and another female trainer.

Why did we keep Adam, anyway? Adam’s nickname was Supersperm. He was our breeding machine.

After the release of “Black Eye”, the damage was done. The zoo lost revenue. Even begging pretty please come back to the zoo didn’t work.

Those damned liberals ruined it. That’s the problem with this country, too many liberals sticking their damned noses in other people’s business. A decent American can’t make an honest dollar anymore.

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/57768536@N05/24996926592″>Cricket Practise Cage</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/”>(license)</a&gt;

About Patrick Scott Barnes

Most of Central Florida knows Stone Crazy (Patrick Scott Barnes) as a poet. Yet, he also photographs, DJ and blogs. The rest of the time, he's guzzling booze in a Central Florida bar.
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