Miss You’re-So-Vain (an anti-romance poem)

 You’re so vain.
Bet you think this poem is about you.
Know you think this poem is about you.
 
Still got looks that kill.
Dudes still crazy over you.
Dudes still wanting your extra time and your kiss.
Dudes still finding you simply irresistible.
Yep, your milkshake still brings all the boys to the yard.
 
You’re so vain.
Bet you think this poem is about you.
Know you think this poem is about you.
 
Folks don’t know you like I do.
Dated other dudes behind my back.
Did this while saying you love me.
Didn’t think I’d find out about the out-of-town artist guy,
did you?
Oh yes, I heard about it through the grapevine.
 
You’re so vain.
Bet you think this poem is about you.
Know you think this about is about you.
 
Heard you currently have someone else fooled.
Got his nose wide-opened.
Was told dude said for you
he will stand up next to a mountain
and chop it down with the edge of his hand.
Your purple haze has really put a spell on this voodoo child.
When he finally gets wise and dumps you,
are you going stalk him like you used to stalk me?
 
Bet you think this poem is about you.
Know you think this poem is about you.
Why?
Because you’re so vain.
You’re so vain.
 

My apologies to Carly Simon.

Painting: Girl Straightening Her Hair by Magnus Enckel

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Weed Smokers Have Higher Sperm Counts, Says Harvard Study

For the record, I don’t smoke weed. Ganja makes me paranoid. The closest I get to smoking marijuana is listening to Cypress Hill music.

Yet, as I approach age 50, spending time with Mary Jane might be a good idea. As men age, sperm count lowers.

Recently, a Harvard study showed men who smoked weed at some point during their lives had a higher sperm count than dudes who never puff-puffed and passed a doobie before. The study also showed there were no sperm count difference between former weed smokers and current weed smokers. Another thing, higher weed smoking was found associated with high testosterone.

Now, don’t get this twisted. Too much weed smoking will sure enough cause negative effects on your reproductive health. Also, because they don’t want to get busted or fired from their jobs, some dudes in the study may have been lying about their weed usage. In other words, saying they no longer partake in the ganja when they still do

Like I mentioned earlier, I don’t smoke weed. The little I smoked may not have increased my sperm count.

Also, I don’t have any kids…that I know about. So, if I still want kids in the future, I might have to start smoking herb. Yet, that shit makes me paranoid. So, what do I do? Avoid weed because it makes me paranoid? Or should I put five on it?

Photo image by audreysteenhaut.

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Gucci’s Blackface Women’s Jumper Causes Controversy

Gucci women’s blackface jumper

After all these years of folks complaining about blackface images, you’d think people would learn their lesson.

If it isn’t white college kids wearing blackface, it’s a politician who I somewhat went to high school with. This idiot, Mike Ertel, dressed like a black Hurricane Katrina victim. After the 2005 Halloween-party image recently surfaced, his ass resigned from his position as Florida Secretary of State. For the record, Ertel also apologized.

Now, Italian fashion brand Gucci has stirred up blackface controversy. Gucci was selling a women’s jumper resembling a stereotypical black person image, the offensive red-lipped image folks used to see eating watermelon on a US post card. At the top of the jumper, red lips cover the cut-out at the mouth. Also, the rest of the jumper is black.

After receiving backlash, Gucci yanked the jumper off it’s online website and yanked it from its stores. Also, Gucci apologized “for the offense”.

In a statement, Gucci also said this:

“We consider diversity to be a fundamental value to be fully upheld, respected, and at the forefront of every decision we make.”

“We are fully committed to increasing diversity throughout our organisation and turning this incident into a powerful learning moment for the Gucci team and beyond.”


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Smirking MAGA Hat Kid Claims Somebody Called Him a “Cracker”

I’m sure most people have seen it. I’m talking about the video starring the smirking MAGA hat wearing kid. He was smirking at a Native American elder as him and his buddies wore MAGA hats.

Nick Sandmann, the kid, has now spoken out.

Some Black Hebrew Israelites aimed verbal nastiness at them. According to Sandmann:

The protestors[sic] said hateful things. They called us “racists,” “bigots,” “white crackers,” “faggots,” and “incest kids.” They also taunted an African-American student from my school by telling him that they would “harvest his organs.”

Now, I don’t condone calling someone a faggot, racist, incest kid. Yet, when you’re wearing a MAGA hat, how do you not expect a confrontation? If you can’t comprehend my question, you’re part of the problem.

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Pics from City Girls’ Outrageous “Twerk feat. Cardi B”

Right about now, this funk soul brother is supposed to be editing photos for a recent photo gig. Yet, this is a booty emergency. Blame the booty distraction on the white man. My white buddy Jason Mosley alerted me to the video of City Girls’ “Twerk featuring Cardi B.”

After seeing that video? Laaawwwd Ha’mercy! I ain’t never seen so many twerking booties in one video.

I decided to screenshot parts of the video from YouTube. Somebody might sue my ass, but fuck it!

These pics aren’t photo sharp. Yet, I got some good ones. To look at an individual pic, you just click on it.

Enjoy! The actual video is posted at the bottom. No pun intended.

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Aging Pretentious Artist (a poem)

 Middle-aged undiscovered artist.
Bitter.
Angry. 
Still wondering why
the less talented received all the breaks
and they didn’t.
 
Flashback to their twenties.
Arrogant. 
Know-it-all.
Wouldn’t listen to constructive criticism.
Dismissed current popular artists.
Called their work garbage.
 
Years pass by.
Still arrogant.
Still a know-it-all.
Still won’t listen to constructive criticism.
Still dismissing current popular artists.
Still calling artists' work garbage.
 
Bitterness and anger worsen over the years. 
It’s everyone’s fault. 
The world is against them.

Now middle-aged and still undiscovered.
If only the world recognize their artistic genius.
Thinking that and still holding on
to behavior that fucked them in the first place.
 
Eventually dies in poverty.
Dies still bitter and angry. 
Dies a damned fool.

Artwork by The People Speak.

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The Booty Pics Month

So far, last month is my biggest moment for booty pics. All of this came as somewhat a surprise. Yet, some folks said it was my reputation proceeding me. All of it happened in Orlando.

First, it started during the last week in November. At The Imperial at Washburn, these two ladies bought my photo and poetry book Three Orlando Nightspots.

On another night, I saw the group Bad Santa and the Angry Elves at The Hideaway. I was hesitant to ask Tushy Elf for a booty pic. Yet, when I asked anyway, she was all for it.

During a photo assignment for Orlando Weekly, a dear friend offered me a booty pics pose. For the record, she’s African-American.

Another night, I photographed in a studio for the first time.

On another night, I attended another Bad Santa event. This was at Will’s Pub. Here, another woman volunteered a booty pose.

Last but not least, another friend volunteered a booty pose at Lil Indies. The focus screwed-up on this one. Fuck it, I’ll post it anyway.

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